MOSES!
For the past week, we've seen Egypt going ape shit. Who is to blame? President Mubarak? The Muslim Brotherhood? No, this revolution has been thousands of years in the making and we all owe it to one man: Moses.
This basket case (literally) is famous for having freed the Hebrews from slavery. However he had to do this by turning water into blood, killing every first born Egyptian child, and parting the Red (Communist?) Sea. After that he buzkilled the Hebrew gold calf celebration with ten mandates...a whopping two of which we still consider law. He remained quiet for several thousand years until the 20th century when he revived his career as a hall of fame power forward/center for the Philadelphia 76ers and quietly served as the president of the NRA.
But Moses still harbors resentment towards Egypt. He is like a younger jewish Brett Favre, doesn't know when to quit. He saw 2011 as his chance to bring this popular tourist population down once and for all. He has pitted all sides against eachother and if Moses gets his way Egypt will be a wasteland of burning bushes and yeast-less bread.
We know that the sequel is never as good as the original and for that reason we need to stop Moses' comeback tour. We need to keep him from inciting violence in Cairo or this could easily lead to God getting pissed again and drowning us all. The best course of action is to support Barack Obama while he secretly installs Yul Brenner to run the country again.
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