Hipsters Suck

Hipsters Suck

 Hipsters fucking suck. I had to say it. They MADE me. Every generation has had its obnoxious "subculture" that thinks it's ironic and hip. The Egyptians had the Hebrews. The 60s had the hippies. The 90s had that Seattle grunge bullshit. And we are stuck with hipsters, the venereal disease of American culture in the 21st century.


What is a hipster? Hipsters are the bastard children of the EMO generation and Andy Warhol's penis. They're the pretentious scumbags that hang around your local coffee shop at 4 in the afternoon talking about legalizing Hemp and how progressive the French are. These "people" think that socialism is a "great idea that was practiced wrong" and that any song you've ever heard of sucks. They're dumb enough to think they're Zen and buddhist despite the fact that smoke pot and abide by literally none of what that religion says. Their definition of hip and new is wearing their grandpa's clothes and reading Jack Kerouac.


Listen, you're "subculture" is stupid and you need to STFU. Mainstream music is popular...because it's freaking good. You're spoken word poetry isn't...because it sucks. No, you're novella isn't a breathtaking social commentary on consumerism. It's the whining petty manifesto of a 19 year old living at home who still can't get over the fact he isn't Allen Ginsberg's second coming. If socialism is such a great idea, then why has EVERY SINGLE example of it failed miserably? Maybe if you left the coffee shop, got a job and started paying your own damn rent, you'd realize that capitalism puts food on the table and taxes suck.

I have never seen a situation in which so many people with such limited knowledge of economics, literature and religion are somehow seen as the "progressive intellectuals that are moving this country forward". None of their ideas are original and I've never seen a hipster contribute anything to society, much less design a building, cure a disease or create a business that employs people and actually turns a profit. They're a bunch of over dramatic penises that need to get off their bean bags, leave the H&M scarf at home and do something productive for once.