Quez Craptastic

QUEZ CRAPTASTIC #1:

ALONE IN THE DARK

Stare into the face of evil. Every hardcore video game fan shutters at the idea that Uwe Boll goes anywhere near their favorite franchise. His ventures into video game cinema have given birth to some of the worst films of all time. If House of the Dead wasn't bad enough, Bloodrayne will give you plenty to scream about.

However if Uwe Boll is the Stanley Kubrick of shit, Alone in the Dark is his 2001 A Space Odyssey. A symphony of shittiness unlike anything ever seen before. To say the writing is awful doesn't even scratch the surface. The movie literally begins with five minutes of text, punishing the moviegoer into doing the one thing he hates to do at the movies: read. The action sequences are awful and the cast (Christian Slater and Tara Reid) make me want stick my head in a microwave. 

Alone in the Dark is in the running for the worst movie ever made. It is horrible enough to piss you off, but not bad enough to even make it enjoyable to laugh at.