BAD ASS ROW




Bad Ass #1: Ashley Williams (Evil Dead Trilogy)

Ashley J. Williams (or "Ash" as he prefers) is employed at the housewares section of the superstore S-Mart,and has a girlfriend, Linda. Based on the engineering textbooks in the trunk of his car, it appears that he is studying at Michigan state University.



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BAD ASS #2: Aaron Rodgers 


Aaron Rodgers!


Mr. Rodgers' Neighborhood is now home to the Lombardi Trophy. A-Rod stepped it up in Super Bowl XLV and spat in the face of the nastiest defense in football to win 31-25 on the grandest stage of them all. Rodgers was so good that he won both the Super Bowl and WWE World Heavyweight Championship at the same time. This is the first such double win since John Cena won the WWE title and the WNBA championship in the same night.

As Rodgers held up his new trophies, 22 teams sat at home crying, Brett Favre shat his Wranglers, and David Arquette had flashbacks of his long tenure as WCW champion. For this reason Aaron Rodgers is the newest member to BADASS ROW!


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BAD ASS #3: LEE DOREN

LEE DOREN (aka. The Conservative Guy)




For those of us who went to Close Up, we were treated to a week in the heart of our nation's capital. For those of you who have never been to D.C., it's really an incredible place. It's a place full of exhaustive rhetoric, self-gratifying political agendas, and a largely unfavorable male to female ratio. In a way it's like we never left Belen.

One of the more interesting activities we participated in was a debate between a liberal and a conservative. This was a real treat for those of us who are interested in politics. In the unfortunately civil political climate that includes 3 major 24 hour news networks and countless pundits with big mouths and nice hair, we rarely get to see two partisan ideologues duke it out for our entertainment. But this is D.C., where the only thing more available than food stamps is partisan hackery.

And so we sat audience to a war of words. The debate ranged many different topics from affirmative action to environmental issues. And the longer the debate went on one thing became abundantly clear, the conservative (Lee Doren) was laying the smackdown on the liberal's candy ass. It was like watching Scorpion from Mortal Kombat take on Justin Bieber.  Not only was he beating down progressivism intellectually, he did it without famous pundit tactics such as Glenn Beck's theatrical meltdown, Bill O'Reilly's patented shout down, or Keith Olbermann's stupid bull shit. He proved that one can verbally destroy an opponent without stooping to the level of a four year old.

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BAD ASS #4: ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER
ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER


The word 'Bad Ass' gets throw around a lot these days. Sure some guys might be talented. Some can write or act really well. Some might even be really good at slamming a rubber ball through a net. But just because you're good at something doesn't make you a Bad Ass. No that word is reserved for members of what I call Bad Ass Row. Bruce Campbell. Aaron Rodgers. Lee Doren. These are true 'Bad Asses'. And equally deserving of the moniker is the Ultimate Austrian. Conan the Republican. Das Terminator. ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER.

Mr. Universe. The First True Action Star in Movie History. Terminator. Predator. Governor of California. Arnold has done it all. He came here as an immigrant and lived the American Dream. He beat the likes of Lou Ferrigno to become Mr. Olympia 7 times. His Classics and his Bombs alike have provided countless classic quotes that span generations. He fucks a Kennedy every night and ran a state full of "Girly-Men" for 8 years. Arnold is the ultimate Bad Ass and proved it by being a BAMF in everything he does.

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BAD ASS #5: Charlie Sheen

Charlie Sheen



There are two kinds of people in this world: The WINNING and the not-winning. Charlie Sheen is definitely winning. Over the past two weeks he has been all over the media, and you want to know why? because he's a complete bamf, thats why. It all started when he did an interview for 20/20 and instead of letting some lady no one cares about make him feel like shit for snorting enough blow to kill China, he decides to stick it to the bitch and show to everybody how much of a bad-ass he truly is. After the interview the people from Webster's Dictionary had to add a few new words to their dictionaries. "Bi-winning"(the act of winning in multiple locations) and tiger blood(What runs through Sheen’s veins, making him all-powerful). He was also able to prove that it is possible to bone your kid's nanny and a pornstar...at the same time. Since coming out of the "Awesome-Closet", Charlie has been on possibly every single show from Howard Stern to the Dan Patrick Show. To most people, this would be so physically demanding that their bodies would decompose into a fiery grave, but not Charlie...because he does heroin. 
 
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